About This Shirt
Well, there's a reason I'm not allowed within five hundred feet of Santa's magical workshop at the North Pole. That reason? That reason is you, my dear, because when I think about you, I touch my elf. I don't want anybody else; when I think about you, I touch my elf. It's more than just a Divinyls pun; it's a problem that got me put on Santa's naughty list (when I would much rather have my name on your naughty list, beautiful). I was on the right track, I swear! I was standing outside of Walgreens in my Santa suit ringing my bell for the Salvation Army. I was donating all of my old clothes to Goodwill. I was giving my canned goods to the food pantry, and this time I gave them things that weren't expired or disgusting. I was on the path to the Nice List...until I thought of you. Once I thought of you, well, I touched my elf, and Santa got very upset. So, now instead of that great flatscreen television, the PS3, and Skyrim I get a lump of coal in my stocking and a restraining order from Santa's Workshop. So, please contact Santa on my behalf, and perhaps when he sees you he'll understand my dilemma.
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